New Way to Deal with the Inner Critic
Have you noticed that there are times when there seems to be more than one of you influencing how you think and feel? I’m not talking about a mental disorder here, but simply the awareness that sometimes a part of me wants to do one thing while another part of me wants to do something completely different.
This is explained rather nicely in a theory called, “The Psychology of Selves.” My awareness of this theory (or how we can be influenced by different “parts” of who we are) came from my work with Dorsey Cartwright, a friend and therapist I had the pleasure of working with many years ago in Houston, Texas. Dorsey got her training from Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone who originated the philosophy, and have written extensively on this subject.
The idea here is to become aware of these different parts so that we can become more influential in the process of creating the life we want. For example, the part that many people relate to is the “inner critic.” This is the part of us that seems to criticize everything we do. Then there is the pleaser who is always looking to make others happy as a way of getting the love and validation we want. Other parts could include the rebel, the rule follower, the driver, etc. The theory is that these parts were created when we were children to help us navigate (or in some cases survive) the environments we grew up in.
However, they tend to remain active as adults, and as you might imagine, this can result in a confusing, if not chaotic, experience of life. Therefore, what Dorsey, Hal, Sidra, and I suggest is that we learn to influence these parts, i.e., bring them out when we want them, and minimize them when we don’t. They call the part that can do all this, “The Aware Ego.” However, because the word “ego” has such a negative connotation for so many people, I prefer to see this part as the “orchestra conductor.”
When we need to be assertive with ourselves and/or others, we call up the percussion and the brass, but when we want to access our peace of mind and calm the waters, we call upon the strings and the woodwinds. Of course, this is easier said than done. However, if you would like to learn how to become the conductor of your orchestra (versus having all those different instruments vying for attention and running your life), feel free to contact me.
In the meantime, just knowing that the voice inside your head is not something you need to to be afraid of, but a part of you that is trying to keep you safe as it did as a child, can go a long way toward your assuming the role of conductor. In this new role, you can learn to become more purposeful with respect to the parts you identify with and feed, versus those parts that are no longer serving you, and/or those that you would no longer recommend to those you love.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill