Facing Our Fears
Here is another quote from Sam Keen’s book, “Learning to fly” that struck me as rich with insight, and potentially valuable in our practice of creating a “purposeful” life. There are several aspects to this quote that we might mine for its wisdom. The first is how he describes the addressing of our fears (or the aspects of life that keep us from “living on purpose.”) Notice that he doesn’t suggest that we do battle with the fears, attempt to drive them out of our lives, or even simply ignore them. Instead, Mr. Keen suggests that we “befriend” these fears.
What does this mean? Well, think of how we treat someone we have befriended or made friends with. Isn’t it true that we tend to follow their advice when it seems to be valuable, and just smile and nod when what they are saying seems “off”? Notice that with those that we have befriended, we don’t need to defend ourselves or even convince them that they are wrong, we just take what they say with a grain of salt and move on. Wouldn’t this be a great way to deal with our fears? When they are giving us good information (meaning when we are in a fight-or-flight situation) then we can take their counsel and use it wisely. However, when they are trying to keep us safe by frightening us about the past, present, or future, we can just smile knowingly and practice trusting/following some other energy.
Another source of wisdom found in the first part of this quote are the words: “each day” and “a single fear” (“Each day befriend a single fear”). I like these words because they remind us that we don’t have to do this (deal with every fear in our lives) all at once. If we look at the experience of befriending our fears as a process, we can use each day to practice looking upon the “fear of the day” as a worried friend and offer this frightened part our love.
The third aspect of this quote that I find valuable is the rational, or the “why” behind the suggestion that we take this process a step at a time. Not only is this practice of living day by day a way to deal with the challenges of life in more manageable pieces, it also speaks to what it can prevent i.e. “the miscellaneous terrors of being human will never join together to form such a morass of vague anxiety that it rules your life from the shadows of the unconscious.” What this means to me is that our willingness to befriend one fear at a time keeps them from combining to form “a morass of vague anxiety” that effects our lives in ways of which we are unaware. Of course, unless we are very young or have lived a very charmed life, chances are that to some degree this has already happened. However, we don’t have to “fear” this unconscious anxiety. In fact, our willingness to look at our fears for what they are (or make them conscious) is the first step in dealing with them, versus them dealing with us.
Finally, there is the last sentence, “We learn to fly not by being fearless, but by the daily practice of courage.” I love this excerpt because it reinforces the truth that in creating a purposeful life, our focus isn’t on what we want to stop, but what we are willing to start (practicing courage, love, peace, confidence, etc.). It also speaks to the experience as a process where each day we practice living our vision of courage. Our goal here isn’t perfection but purposefulness, meaning that, just as in learning any set of new skills, we know that we will make some mistakes, and if we are very sharp, each action that we take that misses (or mis/take) will give us very valuable information about how we can practice differently in the future.
Bottom line, If we are able to befriend our fears (versus fear them or use them as guides) then we can, and will, learn to fly. However, this will only happen if each day, we are willing to move from the safety of the nest, courageously spread our wings, and jump.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill