The Key to Self-Worth
As many of you know, I have a model that I use in all of my books and seminars that I call “C-Cubed.” It stands for Clarity, Confidence, and Creativity, and speaks not only to the importance of each, but to the fact that one follows the next. In other words, until we have clarity, we will have difficulty accessing our confidence and creativity, which means we will have difficulty creating the life we want.
Therefore, I suggest that we start with becoming clear about our own worth, because if the answer to the question, “Am I worth taking care of?” is, “I’m not sure,” or worse, “No,” then there is work to be done, and it is surprising how many people are not sure that they deserve happiness or success because they question their own worth.
Why is this? Because many of us grew up hearing messages that implied our worth or value was about what we accomplished or did for others. To be clear, this isn’t about blaming anyone for how we think or feel. I’m sure those that gave us these messages did so because they felt that doing for others will make us happy or wanted. And, of course, that is true. Doing for others can be an enjoyable way to make a living or a life. However, when it becomes a way to feel valuable or prove our worth, that can be problematic because our source of validation is external and dependent on the whims or perspectives of others who often have their own issues that can cloud their vision.
Therefore, I suggest that we start with clarity with respect to our own worth, and know that we are worth taking care of, not just because of what we do for others, but for the qualities and characteristics that we bring to life. In other words, we are worthy because of who we are, not just what we do.
If this is the case, then the next question is… who is responsible for my being taken care of? Do we look to others to give us what we need, or are we able and willing to meet our own needs and take care of ourselves? Again, this question can be influenced by messages we received growing up that taking care of oneself (especially before you take care of others) is selfish.
I suggest, however, that exactly the opposite is true, meaning that until we take care of ourselves, we will not be in the best position to take care of others, because our ability to do so will be compromised by the fact that we are not functioning at our best. We will be tired, exhausted, and overwhelmed.
Therefore, I suggest we become clear about several things.
1. We are worth taking care of.
2. We are in the best position to know what we need.
3. If we are willing to take care of ourselves as we would take care of those we love, this will be a gift to all concerned.
In other words, if we take care of ourselves first (in a way we would take care of those we love), then we will come to the experience of “doing for others” refreshed and eager to help, which can make the quality of our living and the quality of our giving go up.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill