The Neuroscience of Living Without Regret
I ran across this TEDx Talk by Browny Ware. She is a hospice worker, and has just written a memoir called, “The Five Regrets of the Dying.” She spoke about this number one regret, and it got me thinking about how we might use this awareness to create the life we want now, versus having to wait until we are dying to realize the importance of our choices. Of course, most people would say that they want to live a life that is true to who they are versus the one that others expect of them, but what does that really look like, and how do we do it?
I love these questions because I see what I do as giving people new information and new tools to make this happen, and therefore, I have chosen to create a video series on the subject. This is the first, and focuses on what I call the Power of Purpose. Not a totally new concept, to be sure, however, I like to bring in the neuropsychological perspective to both expand this concept of purposefulness and give you some specific things to do that will support your being able to be more purposeful and more powerful in all that you do.
First, I think we want to see being purposeful as being deliberate, or having deliberated on what we want to and who we want to be so that we are not just reacting to old beliefs, and/or difficult people or situations. In addition, I like the idea of having a purpose for what we are doing so that we know what we want to accomplish. When I speak to an audience or give you my thoughts in writing, my purpose is to help you become more influential in your life and in the lives of others. Therefore, I always try to imagine hearing what I’m saying from your perspective. I have an idea of my goal or how I want you to think, feel, and be different as a result of our connection, and I choose my words to match that goal.
Finally, I always want be clear about what I call our highest purpose, or the qualities and characteristics I want to bring to this aspect of life. How do I want my connecting with you to make a statement about who I am? What would I want to teach and/or recommend to someone I love?
I find that when I have chosen to engage you (or any aspect of life), deliberately or on purpose, I have a purpose or a goal in mind… something I want to see happen as a result of our connection, and I am clear about my Highest Purpose, or the qualities and characteristics I want to bring to the experience, I am therefore able to create an experience that is true to who I am. I can certainly see that others may have expectations about who I should be, and when those are congruent with who I am, then great! However, when other’s expectations are incongruent with my “true self,” I always try to practice trusting who I am, and being that authentic person.
Is that risky sometimes? Yes, because there have been, and I’m sure will be, times where who I am does not meet someone else’s expectations. (For example, there have been situations where my playful personality doesn’t work for a member of my audience. One participant even wrote: “The speaker was too happy!”) However, even when this happens, I find having chosen to honor who I am versus try to change to please others keeps me coming from that clear, confident, and creative part of me and bringing my best to life.
The truth is that we are not on the planet to please others, but to be who we are… that unique being that only we can be. When this has been chosen on purpose, in a way that is congruent with what we want to accomplish and what we would teach to those we love, we won’t have to wait until we are dying to realize what living is really all about.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill