The 3 Essentials of Confidence
This is a quote from one of my favorite authors and trainers, Brendon Burchard, and I have chosen it for the focus of this week’s video, quote, and comment because of how it adds clarity to the process of becoming confident. As with many great quotes, there is a lot of wisdom in relatively few words, so let’s break it down to ensure we get the most from Brendon’s thoughts.
First, let’s look at the idea that confidence is both a thought and a feeling. I like this because it brings in both the cognitive and the emotional into the discussion, and speaks to the need for these aspects of life to be congruent with the outcome we are seeking. In other words, if we have a thought about what it means to be confident, but we don’t feel confident, we will find it harder to access this important state of mind. By the same token, if we feel confident but thoughts keep creeping into our consciousness that counter this feeling, we will, once again, be less than effective. On the other hand, when we actively choose and validate the thoughts and feelings of who we are when we are confident, then the potential for these thoughts and feelings to become habits is increased.
Then, there are the three essentials of confidence (according to Brendon) which are our being willing, worthy, and capable. I love this because it breaks down a mindset (confidence) that we all want more of into more actionable concepts. The first is our being willing. To me, this means we must be willing to do the work and put in the effort to attain confidence, and it reminds us that this doesn’t just happen because we want it to happen. For those who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know this means practicing bringing the qualities and characteristics to life that we would teach or recommend to those we love. It means going in to the morning with this clarity, rebooting around lunch, going into the afternoon practicing being this way, rebooting on the drive home or around dinner, and going into the evening clear about what we want to practice and who we want to be.
The second is our being worthy. This is huge to many people who question whether they deserve to be happy and successful. They may think that they are only worthy when they accomplish something or receive validation from someone. The antithesis of this is knowing who we are at our best, and that we are indeed worthy of happiness and success. This isn’t about being cocky, but it is about being confident that what makes me worthy is who I am, not just what I do.
The third essential in this paradigm is our being capable. I may want to be an accountant because I hear they make a lot of money, but am I good with numbers? Not really. This isn’t my strong suit, and therefore I would not have a lot of confidence in my ability to become a successful accountant. Psychologist? Speaker? Mental health professional? Absolutely! I can have confidence in my ability to be successful at these endeavors because I know that my capabilities (talents, strengths, etc.) are congruent with these goals.
Therefore, if more confidence is something you want in your life, I suggest you first look at your beliefs and emotions to ensure that you are choosing to embrace ones that are congruent with this goal. Then I suggest you examine whether you are willing to do the work to become more confident, become clear about your worthiness with respect to who you are at your best, and determine whether you feel capable of accomplishing this.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to do this all by yourself. Many people have found that a coach or a helper (someone who has the experience and skill to help people become more confident) is often a great help in making this happen. And, for those of you who resonate with my philosophy that combines mindfulness, neuropsychology, and cognitive psychology into a step-by-step system for bringing your best to life, feel free to contact me. I would love to help.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill