Who, What, & When to Trust
Trust is a concept that we all wrestle with from time to time. Do we trust how we feel, what someone is saying to us, that someone will actually follow though and do what they have promised? How can we know for sure?
Well, to some degree, we can’t always know for sure, but what can give us some direction in deciding who, when, and what to trust is understanding how the brain processes information. For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, this means understanding how our limbic system (the middle brain) tends to interpret incoming data. This interpretation is important because it determines whether the information is routed to the lower 20% of the brain (the brainstem) or the upper 80% (the neocortex).
If the situation we are in is dangerous and we need to react without thinking to survive, then engaging the lower reactive brain is exactly what is called for. In other words, we can trust that limbic interpretation. However, if we are not in a situation where our physical well-being is threatened (and really, how many situations that we encounter on a daily basis are truly dangerous?), then we want to question or not immediately trust this limbic interpretation, because we may be getting what is called a “false negative,” and reacting in ways that get in the way of us creating the life we want.
I’m writing this in June of 2018 when two very prominent celebrities (Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade) have just reportedly committed suicide. Sadly, they must have trusted a belief that the only way they knew to stop their pain was to end their life. In fact, last year over 45,000 people also trusted this perception of both the problem and the solution, and took their life as a result.
When I hear about people taking this drastic step, especially when it seems as if they had so much to live for, I always wonder if they knew the neuroscience behind these sort of choices. In other words, I wonder if they knew that our anxiety, fear, and hopelessness comes from the anxious, frightened, and hopeless part of the brain, would they still have trusted that part and followed through on what it was telling them to do? I would like to think not.
This is why I go around the world teaching people how to understand their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors by understanding how the brain processes information. In other words, I believe that knowing who to trust, what to trust, and when to trust depends on whether we are in a situation that truly calls for a fight-or-flight reaction. If so, we can trust that our brainstem will allow us to react quickly to survive.
However, if we need to access our clarity, confidence, and creativity, as well as our interpersonal skills and problem-solving skills, then we may need to question our first thoughts or feelings. The questions I like to use are, “does this thought, emotion, or behavior help me to create the life I want?” and “Would I teach or recommend this way of thinking and feeling to someone I love?”
If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then we can trust it. If not, however, we need to change the thought or belief about the situation into something we can trust… something that does help us create the life we want and something we would recommend to someone we love.
If you would like me to help you and/or your family or organization learn how to know who, when, and what to trust, I suggest that you contact me, because until we are making purposeful decisions about whether to trust our perceptions about ourselves and the world, we will be at the mercy of thoughts and emotions that are not trustworthy.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill