How To Stop A Negative Habit
When I do my seminars, and even when I’m helping someone as an individual, people often speak of the negative habits they have formed… sometimes over lifetimes. Most of the time, they are clear that the negative habit is no longer serving them, but they are worried that they can’t break it. This is understandable, because a habit, by definition, is habitual… meaning that we often find ourselves acting and/or reacting in a certain way without any real awareness of what we are doing, or why.
Unfortunately, the need to change the habit (which is driven by the fear that if we don’t change it, bad things will happen), is what often gets in the way of our ability to have more influence in our experience of life.
For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know that the reason negative habits are so hard to break is because, 1) they originate in the unconscious brain (the limbic system and brainstem), and 2) if we are using worry or fear as our motivation to break the habit, this also engages the lower 20% of the brain. In other words, we really can’t use negative energy (fear and worry) to successfully deal with a negative habit. I say “successfully” because even if we do stop whatever behavior or thought process has been causing us pain or problems in the past, we are left with the belief that fear and worry are the best energies to use to create the life we want, and this will continue to engage the lower, reactive brain.
Therefore, what I suggest is that we begin to make changes in our lives by engaging the clear, confident, creative part of the brain (the neocortex, or what I call the “Top of the Mind”), by focusing on what we want to start versus what we want to stop. For example, if we find ourselves going in to certain situations (work, class, home, meetings, etc) habitually dreading the experience, I suggest we recognize that this old habit is not something we would recommend to someone we love, and become clear about how we do want to think, feel, and act in the future.
If we can imagine going into these situations having chosen to be more purposeful, confident, and creative, then we can use our imagination to create an image of what this would look like and/or feel like, and because the brain does not know the difference between a real and imagined experience, it will begin to trigger they type of chemicals (serotonin and endorphins) that actually produce the feelings of confidence and creativity.
Of course, being this effective with regard to the qualities and characteristics we bring to life requires that we truly understand what causes us to think, feel, and/or act in a certain way. If we hold on to the belief that it is the situation that is making us feel bad, then we will have to change the situation before we can change how we feel. If, however, we understand that it isn’t the situation (because different people will react to the same situation in different ways) but the way our brain is habitually interpreting the situation that is actually triggering our thoughts emotions, and behaviors, we can imagine responding in a more purposeful way (something we would recommend to someone we love) and this practice will begin to create new habits.
You see, our “habits,” whether positive or negative, are actually just a cluster of neural pathways in our brain. Some of them go from the limbic system/middle brain down to the brainstem, and some go from the middle brain up to the neocortex, or “Top of the Mind.” If we want to change our old habit, we don’t focus on stopping the negative response, but instead begin to rewire our brain by creating and reinforcing new neural pathways that engage the upper 80% (again, what I call the “Top of the Mind”).
This speaks to the concept of neuroplasticity, which is just a fancy word for describing how the brain is always rewiring itself. What we want to do is influence this rewiring process so that new, more positive, purposeful habits are being formed. As these new ways of being are practiced, they eventually become automatic, and we find ourselves just naturally responding to life in a way that serves us, and in a way we would recommend to someone we love.
This is what I do. I go around the world teaching individuals and organizations to be more purposeful in the habits they form by engaging the purposeful part of the brain. If you would like me to help you and/or your organization with this process, I suggest you contact me. It’s the first step to breaking those old chains.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill